2024年4月12日发(作者：)

The difference between man and woman

For centuries, the differences between men and women were socially defined

and distorted through a lens of sexism in which men assumed superiority over

women and maintained it through domination. As the goal of equality between

men and women now grows closer we are also losing our awareness of important

differences. In some circles of society, politically correct thinking is obliterating

important discussion as well as our awareness of the similarities and differences

between men and women. The vision of equality between the sexes has narrowed

the possibilities for discovery of what truly exists within a man and within a woman.

The world is less interesting when everything is same.

I believe that men and women have a right to equal opportunity and

protection under the law. The fact that people in this country are assured these

rights does not negate my observation that men and women are at least as

different psychologically as they are physically.

None of us would argue the fact that men and women are physically different.

The physical differences are rather obvious and most of these can be seen and

easily measured. Weight, shape, size and anatomy are not political opinions but

rather tangible and easily measured. The physical differences between men and

women provide functional advantages and have survival value. Men usually have

greater upper body strength, build muscle easily, have thicker skin, bruise less

easily and have a lower threshold of awareness of injuries to their extremities. Men

are essentially built for physical confrontation and the use of force. Their joints are

well suited for throwing objects. A man’s skull is almost always thicker and

stronger than a women’s. The stereotype that men are more "thick-headed" than

women is not far fetched. A man’s "thick headedness", and other anatomical

differences have been associated with a uniquely male attraction to high speed

activities and reckless behavior that usually involve collisions with other males

or automobiles. Men invented the game "chicken", not women. Men, and a

number of other male species of animal seem to charge and crash into each other

a great deal in their spare time.

Women on the other hand have four times as many brain cells (neurons)

connecting the right and left side of their brain. This latter finding provides

physical evidence that supports the observation that men rely easily and more

heavily on their left brain to solve one problem one step at a time. Women have

more efficient access to both sides of their brain and therefore greater use of their

right brain. Women can focus on more than one problem at one time and

frequently prefer to solve problems through multiple activities at a time. Nearly

every parent has observed how young girls find the conversations of young boys

"boring". Young boys express confusion and would rather play sports than

participate actively in a conversation between 5 girls who are discussing as many

as three subjects at once!

The psychological differences between man and women are less obvious. They

can be difficult to describe. Yet these differences can profoundly influence how we

form and maintain relationships that can range from work and friendships to

marriage and parenting.

Recognizing, understanding, discussing as well as acting skillfully in light of

the differences between men and women can be difficult. Our failure to recognize

and appreciate these differences can become a life long source of disappointment,

frustration, tension and eventually our downfall in a relationship. Not only can

these differences destroy a promising relationship, but most people will

grudgingly accept or learn to live with the consequences. Eventually they find

some compromise or way to cope. Few people ever work past these difficulties.

People tend to accept what they don’t understand when they feel powerless to

change it.

Relationships between men and women are not impossible or necessarily

difficult. Problems simply arise when we expect or assume the opposite sex should

think, feel or act the way we do. It’s not that men and women live in completely

different realities. Rather, our lack of knowledge and mutual experience gives rise

to our difficulties.

Despite great strides in this country toward equality, modern society hasn’t

made relationships between men and women any easier. Today’s society has

taught us and has imposed on us the expectation that men and women should live

together continuously, in communion, and in harmony. These expectations are not

only unrealistic but ultimately they leave people feeling unloved, inadequate,

cynical, apathetic or ashamed.

The challenge facing men and women is to become aware of their identities,

to accept their differences, and to live their lives fully and as skillfully as possible.

To do this we must first understand in what ways we are different. We must avoid

trying to change others to suit our needs. The following illustrates some important

differences between men and women. These differences are not absolute. They

describe how men and women are in most situations most of the time.

Problems

Men and women approach problems with similar goals but with different

considerations. While men and women can solve problems equally well, their

approach and their process are often quit different. For most women, sharing and

discussing a problem presents an opportunity to explore, deepen or strengthen

the relationship with the person they are talking with. Woman are usually more

concerned about how problems are solved than merely solving the problem itself.

For women, solving a problem can profoundly impact whether they feel closer and

less alone or whether they feel distant and less connected. The process of solving a

problem can strengthen or weaken a relationship. Most men are less concerned

and do not feel the same as women when solving a problem.

Men approach problems in a very different manner than women. For most

men, solving a problem presents an opportunity to demonstrate their competence,

their strength of resolve, and their commitment to a relationship. How the

problem is solved is not nearly as important as solving it effectively and in the best

possible manner. Men have a tendency to dominate and to assume authority in a

problem solving process. They set aside their feelings provided the dominance

hierarchy was agreed upon in advance and respected. They are often distracted

and do not attend well to the quality of the relationship while solving problems.

Some of the more important differences can be illustrated by observing

groups of young teenage boys and groups of young teenage girls when they

attempt to find their way out of a maze. A group of boys generally establish a

hierarchy or chain of command with a leader who emerges on his own or through

demonstrations of ability and power. Boys explore the maze using scouts while

remaining in distant proximity to each other. Groups of girls tend to explore the

maze together as a group without establishing a clear or dominant leader.

Relationships tends to be co-equal. Girls tend to elicit discussion and employ

"collective intelligence" to the task of discovering a way out. Girls tend to work

their way through the maze as a group. Boys tend to search and explore using

structured links and a chain of command.

Thinking

While men and women can reach similar conclusions and make similar

decisions, the process they use can be quit different and in some cases can lead to

entirely different outcomes. In general, men and women consider and process

information differently.

Women tend to be intuitive global thinkers. They consider multiple sources of

information within a process that can be described as simultaneous, global in

perspective and will view elements in the task in terms of their interconnectedness.

Women come to understand and consider problems all at once. They take a broad

or "collective" perspective, and they view elements in a task as interconnected and

interdependent. Women are prone to become overwhelmed with complexities

that "exist", or may exist, and may have difficulty separating their personal

experience from problems.

Men tend to focus on one problem at a time or a limited number of problems

at a time. They have an enhanced ability to separate themselves from problems

and minimize the complexity that may exist. Men come to understand and

consider problems one piece at a time. They take a linear or sequential perspective,

and view elements in a task as less interconnected and more independent. Men

are prone to minimize and fail to appreciate subtleties that can be crucial to

successful solutions. A male may work through a problem repeatedly, talking

about the same thing over and over, rather than trying to address the the problem

all at once.

While there are differences in the ways that men and women think, it must be

emphasized that they can and do solve problems in a similar manner. There are no

absolutes, only tendencies.

Memory

Women have an enhanced ability to recall memories that have strong

emotional components. They can also recall events or experiences that have

similar emotions in common. Women are very adept at recalling information,

events or experiences in which there is a common emotional theme. Men tend to

recall events using strategies that rely on reconstructing the experience in terms of

elements, tasks or activities that took place. Profound experiences that are

associated with competition or physical activities are more easily recalled. There

appears to be a structural and chemical basis for observed memory differences.

For instance, the hypocampus, the area in the brain primarily responsible for

memory, reacts differently to testosterone in men and it reacts differently to

changing levels of estrogen and progesterone in women. Women tend to

remember or be reminded of different "emotional memories" and content to some

extent as part of their menstrual cycle.

Sensitivity

There is evidence to suggest that a great deal of the sensitivity that exists

within men and women has a physiological basis. It has been observed that is

many cases, women have an enhanced physical alarm response to danger or

threat. Their autonomic and sympathetic systems have a lower threshold of

arousal and greater reactivity than men. In both men and women, higher levels of

testosterone directly affect the aggressive response and behavior centers of the

brain. Increasing estrogen and progesterone in men has a "feminizing" effect.

Sexually aggressive males become less focused on sexual aggressive behavior and

content when they are given female hormones. On the other hand, changing

estrogen and progesterone levels in women during menstrual cycles can produce

a "flood" of memories as well as strong emotions. Increasing or high levels of

testosterone can produce an emotional insensitivity, empathic block and increased

indifference to the distress others.

At the heart of sensitivity is our capacity to form, appreciate and maintain

relationships that are rewarding. Even here there are important differences. For

men, what demonstrates a solid relationship is quit different from that of most

women. Men feel closer and validated through shared activities. Such activities

include sports, competition, outdoor activities or sexual activities that are

decidedly active and physical. While both men and women can appreciate and

engage in these activities they often have preferential differences. Women, on the

other hand, feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and

intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives.

Many men tend to find such sharing and involvement uncomfortable, if not,

overwhelming.

The Task Of Relationship Facing Men and Women

The task that faces men and women is to learn to accept their differences,

avoid taking their differences as personal attempts to frustrate each other, and to

compromise whenever possible. The idea that one gender can think and feel like

the other if they truly loved each is rather absurd. Sure, a man or women could act

in consideration of the other’s needs, but this would not necessarily be rewarding

and honest. Holding the benefit of another above our own is rewarding. But from

time to time, and more often for most of us, it is important to be our self and to be

accepted, and not to be the source of distress and disappointment in the lives of

people we love.

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